Trudeau builds sick half-pipe behind Parliament
OTTAWA, ON—Last night saw Prime Minister Justin Trudeau put the finishing touches on a homemade plywood half-pipe he's been working on all summer. He demonstrated its structural integrity by performing a "pretty gnarly kick flip" in front of hundreds of onlookers.
"This thing is going to be sweet!" exclaimed Trudeau, as he stood atop the vert and tightened the Velcro on his elbow pads. "I can't wait to see the look on Mulcair's face when he gets a load of this!"
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"Ever since [Mulcair's] mom got him a trampoline, all the guys have been going over there for lunch," Trudeau continued. "But after they see this, there's no way they are going to want to hang out there, even if [his mom] brings out a plate of orange slices! He's going to be so jealous!"
"He really put a lot of effort into this thing," noted Hon. Judy Foote, Minister of Public Services and Procurement. "I remember seeing him out there, day after day, just hammering away: before question period, in between first and second reading — you name it. He was committed to finishing this half-pipe."
"Some of the other boys started to help him towards the end, mostly because they wanted credit when it was done, but it was nice to see all of them finally working together on something," observed Hon. Catherine McKenna, Minister of Environment and Climate Change.
Although reaction to the half-pipe was generally positive, some MPs condemned this gratuitous use of resources.
"He didn't have to build a whole half-pipe," asserted Hon. Rona Ambrose, interim leader of the Conservative Party. "He could have built a quarter-pipe and a fun box, or even a couple of small kickers into a handrail. Just another classic example of Liberal overspending and government waste."
Before ultimately deciding on the half-pipe, Trudeau says he considered other summer projects, including building a tree house (with rope ladder); digging a big hole to China; and reading all the Harry Potter books.
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