Content
Skip to Main ContentAccessibility Help
Funny Stuff

Sign of imminent apocalypse: mompreneur hosts webinar about kombucha

Experts are warning the masses this week to try to stay calm in the face of new evidence that the apocalypse is near: late Monday afternoon, 29-year-old “mompreneur” Caleigh Welles-Johansson hosted a 40-minute “webinar” about brewing your own homemade kombucha.
Sophie Kohn · CBC Comedy ·
(Shutterstock / Africa Studio)

CALGARY, AB—Experts are warning the masses this week to try to stay calm in the face of deeply distressing new evidence that the apocalypse is very near: late Monday afternoon, 29-year-old "mompreneur" Caleigh Welles-Johansson successfully hosted a 40-minute "webinar" about the health benefits and spiritually fulfilling practice of brewing your own homemade kombucha.

Astrophysicist and terrifying science explainer Neil deGrasse Tyson offered a helpful breakdown of the doomsday scenario during an emergency press conference this morning.

"The situation that took place last night is a microcosm of everything that's gone horribly and irretrievably wrong with our society," he explained angrily. "First of all, there is no greater evidence of our failure as a civilization than the word 'webinar'. And this young lady, she didn't just say the word 'webinar' – that would be horrific enough – but she actually went ahead and did one. Unforgivable. Just abhorrent."

Tyson continued: "Let's move on to the term 'mompreneur'. The entire scientific community has repeatedly come together on this to say absolutely not. The evidence is crystal clear: with respect to the word 'mompreneur', just no for all eternity. Never. Never at any point. Thanks."

When pressed to comment on the particulars of homemade kombucha, Tyson simply rolled his eyes and muttered, "Jesus Actual Christ, is there a whiter or stupider thing present on this earth?"

An elite team of scientists, linguists, and screaming civilians worked through the night last night to analyze the particulars of the webinar in question. In the process, lead investigator Jonah Laderoute reports the unexpected and chilling discovery of several additional pieces of evidence that the world is headed directly to hell, and very, very soon.

"As well as being a mompreneur, the woman in question self-identifies as a mommy blogger – so, someone who has kids but just louder than everyone else," he explains. "She also at one point during the webinar laughed that she was 'such a foodie', so I guess we're meant to understand that she has food? Or likes food? But just louder than everyone else."

"I know it's hard to believe, but that wasn't even the worst of it," Laderoute continues tearfully. "She….she…tagged…she tagged her webinar on YouTube as 'Infotainment.'"

"I'm so sorry, guys," he whispers. "There's just no coming back from this."

Just as bad, the "dude" version:

Don't miss anything from CBC Comedy - like us on Facebook.