Oh, huh: All my resolutions involve Channing Tatum somehow

This is something I’d love to remedy in 2016 by getting out and seeing more “flicks.” Maybe tonight I’ll go catch the latest Channing Tatum offering!

James Hartnett · CBC Comedy · Posted: Dec 29, 2015 12:00 AM EST | Last Updated: December 29, 2015

Here it is - my complete list of New Year's resolutions for 2016!

See more movies

While I do consider myself to be a history buff, a Seaquest DSV buff, and a raisin buff, I have to say: I don't think I can quite call myself a film buff just yet. I just don't go to the movies often enough to really give myself that title. This is something I'd love to remedy in 2016 by getting out and seeing more "flicks." Maybe tonight I'll go catch the latest Channing Tatum offering!

Get in "Tatum shape"

Can you imagine me with big abs, chiseled arms and pecs the size of ham hocks? Well, that's my goal! I hope to be in what I call "Tatum shape" by the end of 2016. It will take a lot of work and time in the gym, but for someone with my natural athletic ability (my years of playing Animal Crossing on Wii have given me incredible reflexes and dexterity), I'm not expecting it to be too much trouble.

Develop "Tatum-style" confidence

You know who really comes off as a cool and confident fellow? Channing Tatum. I don't think I possess quite his level of gravitas (although feel free to disagree! It's hard to know how one comes across to others! Lol!), but I think I could get there eventually with some deep breathing and positive self-affirmations to myself in the mirror every morning ("You're a star," for example).

Meet Channing Tatum

You know what? I think 2016 may be the perfect time to dust off the ol' autograph book and meet a few celebs. How about Channing Tatum? This might sound crazy, but I actually think he and I would have a number of things to talk about (how we're both in great shape and how we're both very confident, for example). I could see it going from autograph session to friendly chat very easily.

Become friends with Channing Tatum

You know when you just take one look at someone and determine, "Okay. We're going to be friends. I can tell." I'm getting that "vibe" with Channing. Full blast, to be frank.

Channing, I know this might sound strange, but I'm asking you to trust me on this. What if we were to fly you out to my hometown of Brampton, Ontario? We could split the airfare? There's plenty to do here in January, and I'd love to have a few laughs as buddies and show you around.

Think about it!

Your pal,

James "Channing Tatum's pal" Hartnett