Man claims to no longer relate to city life after 48 hours at cottage

ETOBICOKE, ON—After two beautiful nights at his new cottage in northern Ontario, Phil Jacobs claims to be having a difficult time readjusting to city life. Jacobs explains that after just two days spent immersed in the cottage lifestyle, the slower pace of life has affected him so immensely that he has forgotten the purpose of modern technology and is no longer able to relate to those who live in large urban centres. This has resulted in some tension at the Toronto accounting firm where Jacobs works.

Jacobs' colleagues at Colman, Colman and Bea Accounting say that his new attitude is disrupting their workplace considerably.

"He built a bonfire in our lunchroom to cook his can of pinto beans and ended up causing a small kitchen fire," sighs Lisa Kaplan in HR. "We're all waiting to see if Maurice's mustache will ever grow back."

Barry Yip in IT claims that Jacobs continually taunts him for not catching his own lunch. "I just don't really have time to fish in between all of these spreadsheets," Yip says.

Lavern Shaw in the admin department recalls that she caught Jacobs replacing all the office furniture with Muskoka chairs and synthetic tables at 8am before most people had arrived at work. "You know what? Life isn't always a picnic, Phil," she exclaimed.

Reporters stopped by Jacobs' office, a one-person tent, to ask him to comment on his questionable workplace behaviour. Jacobs explains that, while he understands the need for cities, they're no longer places he personally feels at home, and their existence doesn't mean he can't choose to experience the cottage life wherever he goes.

Jacobs goes on to explain that being a permanent cottager simply makes him feel more comfortable. "I'm where I need to be – amongst the Birch trees and the fireflies, even on the 19th floor of a highrise," he says.

Jacobs adds that his coworkers shouldn't worry about his office tent, as it's only a temporary structure until he finishes building a miniature log cabin with a wood-burning stove.

Jacobs also introduced his workplace to a small family of rabbits that he intends to release in the office foyer as a way of saying "Welcome!" to clients at Colman, Colman and Bea. The rabbit release is scheduled for sometime this afternoon.