Leaked Access Hollywood tape shows Billy Bush egging on melting polar ice cap
NEW YORK, NY—Things just can't get any worse for former Today Show host Billy Bush. Just days after a tape surfaced of him engaging in a lewd conversation with presidential candidate Donald Trump, a new tape was released this morning of the elven frat boy celebrity interviewer cajoling the Greenland ice sheet to melt faster.
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The Greenland ice sheet, with a length of 2,400 kilometers and width of 1,100 kilometers, is the second largest ice sheet in the world after Antarctica's. Due to climate change, the ice sheet has experienced frightening levels of melt in recent years. If the entire sheet were to melt, which is a distinct possibility, sea levels would rise approximately 24 feet, submerging every coastal city and completely devastating human society as we know it.
In the damning video from 2006, Bush, dressed in a tiny little snowsuit, can be seen peering over the edge of the sheet and cheering every time a chunk of ice falls into the ocean below. "Whoa. Man, you are melting. This is huge news!"
Next, the gossipy spider monkey begins pushing snow and ice over the edge and stomping and kicking the edge so more ice breaks off.
"Yes! Yes," he shouts. "That splash was hot as shit! Score one for the Greenland ice sheet!"
Finally, the squinting cherub lies on his back and begins making a snow angel.
"You are my man, melting Greenland ice sheet!" exclaims Bush. I can't believe how wet you are going to make the world. Also you should meet my co-worker Allison, bro. She's crazy hot, you'd love her."
Bush has not responded to requests for an interview. Meanwhile, the ice sheet has apologized, stating, "This was over ten years ago. I was young and had barely started my increased melt. I apologize to anyone who was offended that I would be in the company of Billy Bush."
This is probably Billy Bush's favourite 22 Minutes video:
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