How to use that improv class you took to send better sexts
Sexting is tough. You definitely didn't learn anything about it in high-school sex ed watching endless VHS tapes about creepy, abstinent teens. And all those proper terms you learned in biology class come across sterile and a little murder-y when you text them. You've tried using that poetry course you took in university to spruce up your texting skills, but attempting to mimic T.S. Eliot's prose is all ZzZz and no D.
Fear not, for that improv class you took that one time is about to make you a sex hero.
Let's review the basic rules of improv and get you on the highway to the bone zone!*
*this joke only works if you sing it to the tune of Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins, with the same level of intensity. Please respect my artistic integrity and do that now.
"Yes, and"
In improv when somebody says something, we are taught to say "Yes, and," thus agreeing with our scene partner AND furthering the story. In sexting, when something is floating your boat, letting your partner know you're into it is key. That's the "Yes" part. The "And" is bringing your ideas to the party too. Observe:
See how in the second example we moved the action forward? It's not enough to just say yes. Only agreeing makes your scene/sex partner do all the heavy lifting. Get proverbially on top and do some of the work!
Be specific
If you want to get somebody off using only a tiny QWERTY keyboard, you're going to have to tell your partner EXACTLY what you're thinking. You can't use phrases like "let's do it"; "I want to touch your thing"; or "maybe we'll do that thing we did on your birthday." Balls to the wall, friends! We all know that birthday thing is butt stuff! Describe it!
Commitment
No, I'm not asking you to text "let's move in together" to Chad from Tinder who's been in your life for precisely four hours. In improv, commitment refers to standing proudly by your words and never backpedaling. Don't soften your thoughts with a casual "lol" or emoji – those are are real mood killers. Observe:
Committing to your words is sexy. Once a new partner texted me that I was a bad girl, and bad girls go to jail, and that he was the warden. That scenario isn't really my cup of tea, but I went with it. And do you know why? Because I was bored at work. But also because he was so into it, and into me being a part of it. That made me feel sexy.
Follow the fun
Your sex life is (hopefully) not an Anton Chekhov play; it should be fun. Pay attention to what you and your partner like and explore it, Dora!