Canadian cuisine: a provincial food guide
Not only is Canada known for its beautiful landscapes and aggressively polite population, it's also known for delicious cuisine. No wonder we're the 33rd fattest country in the world - we love to eat! Today I will eat and profile a dish from each of the provinces of Canada. I hope I brought my appetite!
Newfoundland – Chips with Dressing and Gravy
I thought I would start things off with an extra-large portion of a traditional Newfoundland dish, chips with dressing and gravy. It's like poutine, except replace the cheese curds with turkey stuffing. Mmm, mmm, divine!
Rating: FIVE STARS!
Quebec – Poutine
Can't write an article on Canadian food and not mention this dish. I served myself up an extra-large portion of authentic Québécois poutine! It's like chips with dressing and gravy, except replace the turkey stuffing with squeaky cheese curds! Delish!
Rating: FIVE STARS!
Prince Edward Island – Potato
I bet you're thinking, "Was it smart to eat two extra-large helpings of fries first?" I always have room for more servings of food from this great country of ours, so it won't be an issue. I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!
I did NOT notice how many of these dishes were potato based! Well, if you're going to eat a raw potato, it might as well be from Prince Edward Island.
Rating: FOUR STARS!
Alberta – Beef
A rib-eye steak can make you undo a few buttons in your trousers. A rib-eye steak after eating the equivalent to seven potatoes will make you change into track pants.
Rating: THREE STARS!
Nova Scotia – Donair
A donair is like a gyro with sweet sauce and onions on it. Smelling one will make you sick. I am very sick. I don't want to eat this donair, but I told my editor that I would and I really need the money. Oh god.
Rating: ONE STAR!
Ontario – Glass of Water
I couldn't think of a food specific to Ontario, so I'm just going to hang out in the bathroom and drink a glass of water (I've been in the bathroom since the potato)
Rating: FIVE STARS!
British Columbia – Nanaimo Bars
Please make it stop this is too much food.
Rating: ONE STAR
Saskatchewan – Saskatoon Berries
The berries so good they named a city after them! I whipped up a Saskatoon berry pie and my-oh-my do I feel fine!
(Note for editor: I do not feel fine. I've never felt worse. There is a small chance I have ruptured something in my gut. If I don't make it, please don't publish this article. I don't want my daughters to know that I died gorging myself on the horrible foods of this nation in order to make a little bit of money. If I do survive, PLEASE remember to take this out.)
Rating: THREE STARS
Manitoba – Slurpee
Here's a fun fact: If you drink a Slurpee after consuming four main courses, two desserts, and a potato, you will SEE GOD!
Rating: dskalkljaslkjeajdkandajknad
New Brunswick – Dulse
Found on the Atlantic coast, dulse is a good source of vitamins and minerals, and a great snack to eat while recovering from a burst stomach!
Rating: FIVE STARS!