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BREAKING: Trump has been confusing "Putin" and "poutine" this whole time

It's hard to imagine a scenario where a presidential candidate could possibly confuse a living, breathing, human for an inanimate food concoction, but there’s a lot about the 2016 election that’s hard to imagine.
Jon Schabl · CBC Comedy ·

HEMPSTEAD, NY – If one thing is clear from last night's presidential debate, it is that this whole time, Donald Trump has been confusing Russian leader Vladimir Putin for the gravy-covered french fries known as poutine.

It's hard to imagine a scenario where a presidential candidate could possibly confuse a living, breathing, human for an inanimate food concoction, but there's a lot about the 2016 election that's hard to imagine.

At the beginning of last night's debate it seemed as though Trump was making reference to Russia's current president when he said, "I'm not afraid to say it; I really like Putin. I don't care if it's bad for me: I like 'em hot, but if it gets cold, I'm not afraid to nuke 'em." It was perhaps an odd choice of words for a discussion of the Russian leader, but certainly not out of the realm of possibility considering that the country poses a substantial nuclear threat.

However, as the debate progressed, Trump's language seemed to move further away from the Eurasian politician and closer to the salty, cheesy, treat.

He began turning heads during a rebuttal on foreign policy as he addressed Secretary Clinton directly. "I'm well aware of your thoughts on the matter, but I disagree," he bellowed. "Heck, all of Canada agrees with me. I need more of that greasy bastard in my mouth."

The real turning point came during the closing arguments when Trump interrupted moderator Lester Holt to blurt out, "I'd eat 'em in the rain. I'd eat 'em on a train. I don't care what my doctor says. I would divorce my wife and marry a vat of Putin if they'd let me. I'm a yuge fan of those curds."

Experts are now saying that the presidential hopeful was originally given incorrect information about the pronunciation and definition of the two nouns. What remains to be seen is how Trump will handle the disappointment when he finds out the truth about the shirtless, horse-riding warmonger, who is not made of diced taters but is in fact a dictator.