Baby to passengers: "I'm not a big fan of YOU either"

VANCOUVER, BC—As Air Canada Flight 161 arrived at Vancouver International Airport and passengers disembarked, many expressed annoyance with the behaviour of Lucas Friedman, a four-month-old baby traveling with his mother in economy class.

"That baby was crying when I got on the plane in Toronto, and he didn't stop the entire time. Five hours of crying. That kid sucks. He just sucks," said passenger Andrew Jones, adding "or she. I didn't get a look at the kid, I guess it could have been a girl."

"It was ridiculous. There should be a minimum age for plane travel" said another passenger, who refused to give her name, but had shoulder length blonde hair and was wearing a black dress, and looked a little like a mix between Charlize Theron and Laura Dern.

As it turned out, these feelings were mutual.

When asked to respond, Lucas had harsh words for his critics. "Oh, they didn't like the crying, huh? You see that guy over there, giving me a dirty look? Why don't you ask him about his cough. He coughed 37 times. Actually, it was probably more than that, but that's as high as I can count."

Friedman continued "I rode the whole way in my mother's lap, and instead of getting credit for reducing my carbon footprint, I get chided for clogging the seat. I weigh 16 pounds! If you're having trouble getting by, maybe you should try a little self-reflection."

"At least I didn't send my meal back because the carrots weren't crisp. That guy is just an absolute sociopath. It's economy airplane food! This is my first flight and even I get that!"

Friedman closed with some words for the woman in the seat in front of him. "Just so you know, lady, I'm not sick. I'm not colicky. What I am is an infant who had a woman put her seat back just as the plane left the runway. I was already in a bad mood, and to see such flagrant disregard for the rules just put me over the edge. If I was old enough to understand how money works, I would give her some so she could pick up a book by Emily Post."

The infant then immediately turned to screaming and tears.

"It's been a long day," explained Mrs. Friedman, before mumbling "Oh my God, just shut up."

Here's something you will be a fan of: our hilarious new web series, Newborn Moms!