Funny Stuff

A nurse reveals Canadians' top 5 deathbed regrets

Given her experience, we asked her to compile the following list of the top regrets of the dying.
(Shutterstock / Piotr Marcinski)

Irene Reitman is a Canadian nurse who has spent the last 20 years working in palliative care, counseling, comforting, and caring for the dying. During that time she has gained a rare glimpse into the perspective and clarity that comes to individuals as they prepare to depart this mortal coil into the great unknown. Given her experience, we asked her to compile the following list of the top regrets of the dying.

5. Never meeting Nick Nolte

"This one is very common," Reitman explains. "While Nick Nolte has no doubt accumulated many friends and acquaintances over his long and distinguished career, that number pales in comparison to the sheer volume of individuals who have never had the chance to meet the Golden Globe-winning actor. Sadly, most people do not realize they've never met the Prince of Tides star until it's too late to do anything about it."

4. That time they saw the Red Hot Chili Peppers

"It really doesn't matter if it was during the 'heyday' of Blood, Sugar, Sex Magic, Californication, Mother's Milk, Freaky Styley, or even on The Uplift Mofo Party Tour; wherever and whenever it was, seeing these shirtless frat-apes playing their inexplicably popular brand of Slamalamma-so-cal-funky-punky-rap-n-roll™ music live invariably haunts the soon-to-be-departed as time they'll never get back."

3. Getting a henna tattoo

"I guess something about contemplating impermanence in the face of death reminds people of that time they got hennaed or whatever? Anyway, they hate it."

2. Never hunting a man

"Many come to understand all too late that they suppressed the urge to hunt and kill a man for sport for no better reason than upholding the law, social convention, or common decency. As a result, they realize they've settled for an uninspired, middle-of-the-road existence and carried needless anger and bitterness as a result."

1. Not figuring out a cure for death

"The most common regret of all. When people accept that their life is almost over and look back at what they have and have not accomplished, not figuring out a way to cheat or defeat death is invariably their biggest sorrow. In their final moments they come to see that all their dreams, ambitions and petty concerns pale when compared to the one truly worthwhile goal: eternal life."