6 vacation ideas for a plummeting Loonie
With the loonie at a 12-year low and the Canadian economy in the doldrums, you probably think you can't afford a sweet winter vacay. To that, we say: nonsense! Here are six killer getaway ideas that'll give you some much-deserved R&R without breaking the bank. Bon voyage, compadre!
1. Miami
With its pristine beaches, bikini babes and irresistible salsa rhythms, it's no wonder Miami is such a tourist hotspot. And with a little imagination, you can experience Miami's charms for a pittance! Simply go to your local mall and walk around in swimwear while listening to Pitbull and your brain won't know the difference. For extra fun, start a game of volleyball in the food court while somehow also holding an armful of mojitos.
2. Paris
For thousands of years, the "City Of Light" has attracted poets, lovers and misfits with its grand boulevards, special foods and funny cafés. Luckily, you can easily recreate the romantic glory of Paris in your own hometown. Take a bath in a tub of foie gras! Have an affair with a depressed person! Defend racist cartoons! Or simply urinate in the streets. No matter how you choose to celebrate Paris, you'll impress onlookers with your newfound joie de vivre!
3. London
Fancy a trip across the pond to Jolly Old London Town? Very well, then! To bring a little authentic London charm into your life, you'll need: a damp room, a shredder, a pint of warm ale, a fish and a bottle of unidentifiable brown sauce. Simply sit in the damp room, chug the ale, squirt the brown sauce on your fish and shred all of your money.
4. Dubai
The 'City Of Gold" may be a swanky vacation spot for international jet setters, but even a pauper can get the gist of Dubai in three simple steps: 1) turn the heat in your house up as high as it will possibly go, 2) stop paying income tax, and 3) dedicate all of your energy to becoming an oil-based billionaire.
5. South Africa
From its windswept plains to its gorgeous wildlife, South Africa is a must for any serious traveler. By using the power of the human imagination, you can transport yourself to South Africa for free. That skunk crossing the road in front of the donut store? Just imagine it's a majestic lion! That bungalow on the corner? It's a savanna. And that man shouting at you to stop taking pictures of his bungalow? He's a giraffe! Large amounts of hallucinogenic drugs required.
6. Oshawa
Most Canadians dream of one day visiting Oshawa, but few actually get around to setting foot in "The Motor City." Fortunately, creating your own private Oshawa has never been easier. If you're a guy, simply grow a ponytail, crank the Skynyrd and yell at your kids. And if you're a lady, marry a guy with a ponytail who loves Skynyrd and yells at your kids.