5 tips for using Airbnb

Are you a user of the home rental website Airbnb? Whether you're renting out your place, or searching for somewhere to rent yourself, it can be a daunting experience and it's easy to make mistakes. Here are some great tips that will help make your rental or hosting go as smoothly as possible.

1. You own things that you should be ashamed of. Hide these things

We both know you own some things that, frankly, you should be ashamed of. Oh really, don't think this is true? Then how about that erotic anime DVD set you bought 'as a joke'? Or the 'I voted for Pedro T-shirt? Or what about that I Mother Earth CD? That's still kicking around somewhere, isn't it? Yeah, just do everyone a favour and shove them in a drawer somewhere.

2. You are not obligated to let them know about the demons

Do you live in a home that is possessed by spirits, demons, or an incubus? Do these beings terrorize you and your family? If so, you probably think that you have no chance of renting out your home on Airbnb when you head off on that Caribbean vacation. Well, think again. Nowhere on Airbnb.com does it say you are under obligation to mention demonic possession to potential renters. So, toss them the keys, collect their money, and enjoy some fun in the sun (along with a brief respite from the terrifying hell that I assume must be your normal life).

3. Does it sound like the trunk of a car? It might be the trunk of a car

Is the place you're renting described as being "a bit cramped"? How about "not getting a lot of light"? Instead of keys, are you advised to just "bang on inside of the hood when you want to get out"? Then I've got bad news for you – you've just rented yourself the trunk of a car. Happens to the best of us.

4. Think hard before renting to partying hair metal bands from the '80s

Have you got a renter for your place? Fantastic news! Now, I hate to be a buzz kill, but do the renters happen to be a hard partying, '80s metal hair band known for their notorious drug and alcohol fuelled, days-long partying sessions? Specifically, groups like Mötley Crüe, Ratt, Poison, Warrant, Def Leppard or Dokken? Well, as exciting as it is to find a renter for your place, you might want to think twice about this one. For one thing, they're likely to be noisy. For another, they'll probably make a real mess! Also, odds are their rider is going to be a serious pain.

5. Does the renter only address you as 'human'? Maybe pass

In corresponding with your renter, does he only address you as 'Human'? For example, has he said something like: "Human, how might we complete this transaction?" Or "How do I enter your dwelling, Human?" Or even "Human, hear this. I am normal Human man as well. I am 70% water, and an oxygen breather as you are. So much in common have we." If so, maybe just go ahead and pass.