Deadbeat Father's Day to be celebrated next week kiddo, I swear

MONCTON, NB—While Father's Day will be celebrated this Sunday, June 18th, Deadbeat Father's Day will be marked late next week, like Thursday or Friday. Sunday at the latest.

Gotta get a few ducks in a row first, is all.

Even though your mother is going to have an absolute field day with this one, Deadbeat Father's Day is traditionally celebrated a few days after standard Father's Day, if at all. Sometimes things come up and you'll understand when you're older.

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Also, contrary to reports, that Gary prick is not your real father. Remember that.

While traditional Father's Day gifts include neckties and barbecue accessories, Deadbeat Father's Day usually sees too-small baseball gloves, half-full bottles of Old Spice, and post-dated cheques exchanged.

It's also customary to call before depositing those cheques, just to be safe.

Father's Day usually sees dads getting breakfast in bed and a chance to relax while watching a baseball game. Deadbeat Father's Day activities include tasting beer, learning which racehorses should be sent to the glue factory, and waiting in the Mustang while pops talks to Uncle Scoop about a 'thing.'

You remember Uncle Scoop, don't ya slugger?

Kids also get a chance to listen to some 'real music' for a change, like Sabbath and Ratt, none of that Lumineer and Sons [expletive deleted] Gary likes.

What does Gary drive anyway, a Nissan Altima? C'mon.

C'mon.

The latest reports indicate that actually Deadbeat Father's Day might not be happening at all this year, big guy. There's a "lot of irons in the fire" with the phone card business and Cindy's dancing in Thunder Bay that week and needs the 'Stang.

There is a new one of those Minion movies coming out soon. You still like those Minion guys, right?

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