Canadian women assume it's fine if they only pay 73% of their income tax

NATIONWIDE—Agreeing that it was "probably cool" and "it just kind of seems obvious?" women across Canada announced this morning on the deadline for filing federal income tax that they are only planning to pay 73% of what they owe to the government, seeing as they only make 73% of the income of their male counterparts. Several women of colour report plans to pay even less tax than that, given the even wider discrepancy that exists between their pay and the male standard.

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Upon learning of the so-called "tax gap" women created, government officials have leapt to decry this new trend with the speed and agility of seventeen cheetahs in active heat, raising some questions about where this kind of aggressive response has been when those same women have spoken out about the injustice of the pay gap in Canadian workplaces.

"This 'tax gap' is absolutely unacceptable," explained Minister of Finance Bill Morneau this morning at a press conference. "The other thing is fine."

Toronto orthodontist Kayla Spears says that waking up this morning and writing her cheque to the government was a truly liberating experience.

"I owe the government three grand, so I wrote that on the cheque. And then I took a red pen and slashed out that number and replaced it with $2,190, sort of like a price tag at fun sidewalk sale at Pottery Barn!"

Elsewhere in the country, women are having to respond to widespread male criticism of their actions today. Rachel Westbrooke, a Vancouver math teacher, laughs and cocks her head to one side. "Oh, sweethearts, you guys are adorable. The tax gap isn't real in Canada. It's been disproven. You're upset over nothing. Do some reading. Educate yourselves."

"That's of course not actually true," she whispers. "But just for today, I get to confidently shout made-up facts at men with zero research to back up my claims so that they'll stop whining about it. Just for today."

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