Bee says death 'small price to pay' for joy of stinging snot-nosed child

ELIE, MANITOBA—Explaining that the suicidal attack would be the proudest moment of her frenzied, 91-day life, female worker honey bee W048726 said death was but a small price to pay for the joy of stinging the snot-nosed child who keeps swatting at her.

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"Trust me, it'll be worth it," W048726 said as she circled around the giggling five-year-old, fantasizing about the moment she'd plunge her barbed stinger into the human's thick skin and inject it with apitoxin, a process that would surely end with the child crying and W048726's stinger, abdomen, and viscera violently ripped from her body, killing her in less than three minutes.

"Otherwise, what's life for?"

According to Q24370345, W048726's queen and the mother of the 8,427 wriggling larvae and 52,841 adult honey bees, the child has terrorized the colony for weeks, suffocating drones under pink plastic sandcastle toys and luring workers to their death with cups of unattended apple juice.

"This little punk needs to suffer," Q24370345 said.

Although many of her fellow female workers were too timid to attack the child, colony representatives confirmed that W048726 has sacrifice in her blood.

"W048726's old man also died for the good of the colony," worker W124389 said as she cleaned the hive, "by ejaculating into our queen with such explosive force his wang snapped off."

W124389 paused, growing emotional as she scanned the intricately built rows of the nest's hexagonal cells with her black, bulbous eyes.

"And if that's not selflessness, what is?"

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