Barbie Dreamhouse™ downsized to Barbie CrampedCondo™ to foster realistic expectations

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

Here at Mattel, we've inspired generations upon generations of children to aspire to mansion ownership with our beloved Barbie Dreamhouse™, a deluxe three-floor dwelling-place with its own elevator.

However, this holiday season, we no longer feel it ethical to give impressionable kids the message that houses will ever be within their financial grasp at any point between childhood and death. The average price of a detached house in major Canadian cities is currently so astronomical that as a company, we have decided it's wrong to alert this generation to the fact that houses even exist at all. An affordable one-bedroom fixer-upper house is enough of a bold-faced lie in 2017, let alone a dream house with an elevator.

And so, just in time for Christmas, we've made some significant changes to this popular product, transforming it into a much more honest gift that will better prepare the youngsters in your life for the harsh realities that await them.

We toyed (HA!) with the idea of the Barbie Nightmarehouse™, featuring an absurd bidding war and renovations that go way over budget, but we here at Mattel would like to preserve some tiny portion of the innocence of childhood.

And so, after much deliberation, we are proud to announce the Barbie CrampedCondo™, available now in stores for $210 per month, plus another $50 toward monthly maintenance fees that the building spends on unknown mystery items.

Features of the Barbie CrampedCondo™include:

• An impossibly tiny square-footage that just barely accommodates Barbie, Ken, two small children, and Ken's layabout brother who's "looking for work" as long as it doesn't interfere with his band gigs;
• One bathroom for all five individuals to share;
• mp3 technology built into the Barbie CrampedCondo™ walls will constantly blare loud neighbour noises above the condo unit, below it, and to the right and left of it. Choose your mp3 from our fun rotation: Cooking Sounds, Sex Sounds, or Drunken Argument Sounds;
• One bedroom plus a den that triples as an office, dining room, and guest room;
• Unlike the Barbie Dreamhouse™, there is no oven in the kitchen, but there is a hotplate that works about 60% of the time;
• The Barbie CrampedCondo™ of course could not possibly feature an elevator, but there is a detachable fire escape on the side of the building with several condom wrappers and cigarette butts scattered around on the floor.

Pre-order your Barbie CrampedCondo™ today to ensure it's delivered in time for December 25! Mattel will allow your concierge to sign for you upon delivery of this toy. Obviously. Come on.

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