Air Canada offers new auction to bid on seats that will never show 'Suicide Squad'
TORONTO, ON—In a bid to make more money while having to do very little for it, a new approach for airlines the world over, Air Canada is introducing an auction-style program which will enable economy class passengers to bid cash in order to potentially land a seat in premium economy class, business class, or best of all, a seat that has a television not equipped to play the Warner Brothers films Suicide Squad or Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice.
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"When it comes to flying, sometimes less is more," said Air Canada spokesperson Josh Samson.
"Though we love to give our customers bonuses and frills to enhance the flight experience, we consider it equally important — and beneficial — to reduce harm in any areas we can possibly foresee, and this includes reducing the risk of seeing one of the recent slate of feature films based on the D.C. Comics universe, which (though often successful at the box office, perhaps due to brand recognition) have been underwhelming audiences and critics alike."
"Though we choose to stock these films in the interest of providing the most possible choice," continued Samson, "we do want to offer those clients who want to shell out a little extra the comfort of there being no risk of accidentally clicking on one of these films, or having your child spot it and demand to watch that one. We recognize the tough spot that can put a parent in, and want to avoid you ever even encountering that situation."
"Nobody should ever have to see Jared Leto if they haven't specifically chosen to do so."
At press time, Samson warned that there was no conceivable way to stay away from the Adam Sandler films Grown-Ups and Grown-Ups 2. "They just turn up everywhere, no matter what we do. Please use your own discretion."
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