Comedy·IT IS COMING

6 strategies to convince the townsfolk a reckoning is at hand

A reckoning is coming. Of this you can be sure.
(Shutterstock / Captblack76)

You've seen it in the leaves at the bottom of your cauldron and heard in the hissing of the wind. A reckoning is coming. Of this you can be sure. As the village's designated prophet and outcast, it is your task to warn the people of this ill harboring.  Here are some actionable techniques to be sure that your dire proclamations are met with the seriousness they deserve.  

1. Run through the center of the village shouting

What more effective way is there to communicate that the end is nigh? Simply pick an hour of the day in which the peasantry are going about their daily doing, and then sprint across the thoroughfare while raving of visions of flame and pestilence. Content is less important than tone here; as long as you convey dread the words hardly matter. In fact, at this early stage, well-crafted gibberish really conveys panic. Unfortunately, running while shouting also means that the people won't be able to fully absorb the gravity of what you're saying. Doing multiple laps to get the message out might seem like a good idea, but will cause the villagers to assume you're just doing this for attention.

2. Stand in a dark corner and whisper to passers-by that catastrophe looms

In order to strike fear directly in the hearts of the people (for their own good, of course) consider employing a more personal touch. An ideal way to do this is to lurk in the nooks and alleyways of the village and mutter to passers-by of your insidious omens. How you frame your message can be just as important as the severity of its consequences. Take advantage of the peak atmosphere hours late at night or in the early evening. If you can time your mutterings to precede the howling of a nearby wolf or the hoot of an owl, even better. Hold the lantern above your head so that it creaks, then slowly lean in and whisper. Be careful, villagers are very conscious of their personal space and may throw you in the stocks for an afternoon if you get too close.

3. Lure impressionable villagers to an effigy you've constructed

Sometimes the best way to get people onboard with an idea is to have them think that they thought of it themselves. An ideal way to do this is to set up an effigy that hints at the sinister and oncoming reckoning. A crude structure made of wood is perfectly fine, but if you have the time and means, consider crafting an ominous symbol using entrails and feathers. It's the little touches that really stay with people. Try to avoid placing your artifact in an area with too much foot-traffic, as it needs to be stumbled upon for maximum effect. Let word of mouth spread, and soon the townspeople will be arriving at your hut in droves, begging for assistance.

4. Appeal to the gentry class

At the end of the day, you are but a single messenger for the will of the fates. Seeing as how you've spent much of your life in a hut outside the village, your sphere of influence is limited. The ruling class, however, can help, and they have the most to lose in the coming calamity. Be aware that they may initially resist the idea of lending aid to your cause, not wanting to associate with someone lowborn and unhygienic. If so, remind those inbred ingrates of how you once spent an entire fortnight collecting blighwater root so that their hemophilic son could live. Also, be mindful that getting the elites to support your cause might obscure the purpose of your message, as they tend to make things about themselves.

5. Take your warnings directly to the townsfolk

Direct action is the best way to convince people that they need to heed your words of warning. Scare tactics and spectacle pale in comparison to rational, level-headed discourse. Set up a good solid standing crate that can support your weight in the centre of town and let the arguments for the coming vengeance of old gods speak for themselves. Do your best not to sound condescending and remind them that you are merely fate's messenger, not her chosen champion. While the tavern might seem like the ideal recruiting grounds, its regular patrons are mostly glad to have reasons to continue drinking, and are not seeking actionable solutions. Keep at it, but be warned, most villagers are quite busy, what with crops coming in and tariffs due, and while many will express concern at your tidings of doom, they don't necessarily posses the time or patience to be confronted with imminent judgment.

6. Create a comprehensive predictive model based on decades of past data that indisputably proves a reckoning is coming

Who are you kidding, they'll never believe you.

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Alex Brault is a writer and improviser from Montreal. This is what he's doing with his Creative Writing degree.