The Bidding War finds humour in the darkness that is Toronto's real estate market

Ever bought a house in Canada?

If you have, you know the process can be torturous, an avalanche of paperwork that likely leads to owning a space that, let's face it, isn't big enough, or isn't in a convenient location.

If you haven't, good luck. House prices have increased by 30 per cent since 2020, while average inflation-adjusted incomes have risen by only 2.3 per cent. Now more than ever, the idea of owning a home is a distant dream for most Canadians, and especially those under the age of 35.

The Bidding War, a new play by Michael Ross Albert, opens at Crow's Theatre in Toronto this month. The comedy follows a kooky cast of hopeful homeowners and their realtors as they bid for the last affordable home in the city. While the play is only a few hours, the titular bidding war lasts a full day, and features a desperate young couple and hordes of ruthless real estate agents at its centre. Featuring a star-studded cast of Canadian talent, including Fiona Reid (Harry Potter and the Cursed Child), Peter Fernandes (One Man, Two Guvnors, The Master Plan) and Aurora Browne (The Baroness Von Sketch Show), The Bidding War hopes to capture the chaos of the housing market — and the darkness embedded in Canadian capitalism.

"When the lights come up, we're in the throes of the conflict," Albert shares with CBC Arts. The playwright's satire of corporate workplaces, The Huns, recently had its American premiere at Here's the Exit Theatre Company in Chicago. "There's no room for breath. The Bidding War is a real whirlwind and it begins as such."

Paolo Santalucia, associate artistic director of Crow's Theatre, directs The Bidding War, and says he's been looking forward to the play for months. The play's 11-person cast is remarkable, says Santalucia — most theatres won't invest in new work with large teams due to the cost of producing it. But The Bidding War's unique scale has been baked into the work since being commissioned by Crow's in 2022.

"It's really exciting to be in a new play, where we're building the foundation as we go," says Santalucia. "We're working on a new comedic play with 11 people in it — that hardly ever happens in Canada. Michael has crafted a capital-P Play, and he's used comedy as a way to provide some really astute social critiques. And ultimately, the play winds up being about the push for a middle class, and the disappearance of that class, as well."

Thanks to Crow's yearslong support of The Bidding War, Albert had the rare privilege of being able to fold elements of the casts' personalities and quirks into their characters as he imagined and refined the chaotic inner world of the play. "They've each contributed a part of themselves, their DNA," he says. "Their fingerprints are all over these characters."

Santalucia, too, empathizes with folks who've had a tough time navigating the purchase of their first home — he shares with CBC that he recently became a homeowner himself, a process which he says has hugely shaped his approach to The Bidding War.

"That was not an uncomplicated process for me," he says, "and I think this play speaks to people in my generation about what it means to achieve that milestone. And what does it even mean, 'home ownership,' in this country, and this city?"

While Canada's housing market is, in most ways, deeply unfunny — ask the zillennial in your life how they feel about real estate, and they likely won't laugh about it — Albert and Santalucia have worked hard to find moments of levity and absurdity within The Bidding War.

"It's a very unfunny context, yes, but this scenario has existed for centuries," explains Santalucia. "The first recorded instances of bidding wars took place at the beginning of Roman empirical rule, which essentially seized assets from conquered people and sold at low prices to allow the growing merchant class to have access to property wealth. These were ancient foreclosures, which is kind of a horrifying and comforting thought.

According to Santalucia, Albert honours that history in the play by imbuing the text with sky-high stakes and meaningful commentary on our shared humanity. Audiences can expect to see suggestions of extreme physical violence and other slapstick-inspired antics.

"It's asking, 'What wouldn't you do if you were faced with the chance to buy the last affordable house?," explains Santalucia. "Putting aside all the things that you believe yourself to be, and all the fantastic truisms you believe are true of yourself in this situation, what would actually happen?"

"Comedy is one of the most cogent forms of protest we have available to us," agrees Albert. "If we can see ourselves, and the desperate measures we will go to when entrenched in an unfair, prehistoric, imperialist system, and we can laugh at it — we can see how unfair it is. And we can make a personal change — maybe that means engaging in politics more. Maybe that means actually showing up to vote. But I hope this play emphasizes that this issue really does impact all of us."

The Bidding War runs Nov. 12-Dec. 15 at The Crow's Theatre (345 Carlaw Ave.) in Toronto.