Singer-songwriter Amy Millan talks marrying motherhood with her music career

When Lily Allen quipped recently that her kids ruined her career, her comments went viral.

"I mean I love them and they complete me, but in terms of pop stardom, totally ruined it," Allen said on the Radio Times podcast.

Today on Commotion, guest host Amil Niazi gets into whether mothers really can have it all in the music industry. 

Amy Millan is a member of the bands Stars and Broken Social Scene. She's also a solo artist. Tamsin Embleton is the founder of an international specialist therapist network called Music Industry Therapists Collective. She's also the editor of a book called Touring and Mental Health: The Music Industry Manual. They join Amil to talk about the realities of juggling a career as an artist and being a mom.

We've included some highlights below, edited for length and clarity. For the full discussion, listen and follow the Commotion with Elamin Abdelmahmoud podcast, on your favourite podcast player.

Amil: Pop stars have a very physically demanding job. You have to look a certain way, I think your fans want you to act a certain way — and that may not necessarily fit in with their idea of who a mother is. Does that track for you?

Amy: There's something also that people love about the idea of a mother. And so when Beyoncé was pregnant, she had photo shoots, it was this big deal.

Amil: She broke the internet with that one.

Amy: Obviously physically, it is definitely something that I struggle with, because you have this brand new body. You have leaking boobs. I had two C-sections, so when I had to go back to work at 12 weeks, I was really aware of how different my body felt, and that was extremely challenging.

Honestly, as a person who had babies on the road, I had no role models. So the fact that these stories are coming out now, I think it's wonderful for any upcoming musicians who want to have families. It's not just this kind of bubble rock star moment; you do have families and you do have responsibilities, and physical health, mental health issues, all those things that are happening on the road. So I just love that these things are being brought to light.

Amil: Let's talk a bit about some of the reactions from your fans. Did you notice a change after you started having your kids and adjusting your schedule?

Amy: I feel like fans are always such a support; they're just always there to lift you up. There was a peripheral kind of gathering when I would go on the road, whether it was distant family members or people who worked at the club, that were always like, "Oh, where is your kid?" And my husband Evan also plays in the band. He would be standing right beside me, but those questions were always directed towards me, and I was always like, just because I'm a musician doesn't mean I'm a complete dirtbag. I do know that I need to bring a nanny on the road…. We have incredible nannies on the road. And that was quite irritating that they would just direct the question to me.

Amil: Oh, yeah. One of my favorite questions I get when I'm at work — I have a three-month-old at home, I have two slightly older kids, so I get asked this all the time: who's watching the baby? It's like, you think I didn't think about who's watching the baby? But they would never ask my husband that because of course they would just assume that I'm watching the baby.

Amy: Which is also an insult to the husbands, right? Because I know your husband steps up, and Evan is unbelievable on the road…. He puts in a deep effort. He was like the morning person. He's taken her to every single kid's gym on the planet, you know? So I think it's also irritating for them that they're not included in that.

Amil: Yes. Although it's also irritating when they do one small thing and then everyone's like, what a great dad! Meanwhile you literally have a child hanging off your boob and you're playing the guitar and you're like, okay, well, I guess I'm chopped liver over here?

Amy: Yeah. I do like the term, "Oh the dad's babysitting." I'm like, what?

Amil: Amy, what do you want to see the industry do to better support new moms?

Amy: You know, when you used to apply for grants, you could not say you had a nanny; that wasn't even on the application. So that's something that's happened within the industry. And I think community is a huge part of this. I know a lot of new moms out there — July Talk's Leah has had a baby, Charlotte Cornfield had a baby, and Danielle from Dear Rouge just had a baby. And so I've just appointed myself as irritating rock and roll auntie. I think that if we can just be together and support each other, it's a huge part. But yes, money. Always money.

You can listen to the full discussion from today's show on CBC Listen or on our podcast, Commotion with Elamin Abdelmahmoud, available wherever you get your podcasts.

Panel produced by Danielle Grogan.