Does Netflix's Baby Reindeer get too real?

Baby Reindeer is a Netflix show about a comedian, but it's certainly no comedy.

The buzzy series follows a man named Donny who moves to London to start his stand-up career. A woman later begins stalking him, sending him hundreds of emails a day, spending hours at the pub where he bartends and harassing his loved ones.

Richard Gadd created the show based on events that actually happened in his own life. As the series' star, viewers see him reenact traumatic things that actually happened to him not that long ago.

Today on Commotion, stand-up comedians James Mullinger and Ashley Ray join host Elamin Abdelmahmoud for a discussion about what makes this show both hard to watch and difficult to look away from, and why it might be the male version of I May Destroy You or Fleabag.

Please note: this conversation deals with sensitive subject matter, including sexual assault, and contains spoilers for the Netflix series Baby Reindeer.

We've included some highlights below, edited for length and clarity. For the full discussion, listen and follow the Commotion with Elamin Abdelmahmoud podcast, on your favourite podcast player.

Elamin: James, Baby Reindeer is a really rare word-of-mouth hit, you know? Are you surprised to see how successful this show from the U.K. has become in the U.S. and in Canada?

James: Yeah, I am — not because it's not amazing, but mainly because it kind of feels so intrinsically British. It also feels like it's not been softened to be mainstream. It's a genuinely incredible piece of art. Thanks to the strength of the writing and the storytelling, the performances, it's kind of broken through and found this huge audience, which very rarely happens. Not since Fleabag has a show started in a tiny venue in Edinburgh and then five years later, become a global colossal hit. So yeah, I was surprised.

Elamin: I have to say, Ashley, I've been seeing the conversation about Baby Reindeer and I thought, what could possibly be so gripping? And then I watched it — and I did not plan on watching it all in one go, but then I sat down, and then I looked up and it was done…. That's how much it pulled me in. You tweeted that the show stayed with you for days; I'm feeling the same way. Let's talk about how it handles the stalker trope.

Ashley: It's so good in that it brings such care to Martha's story, too. At the end of the day, you watch the entire show and you realize that both of these people are victims of circumstances that led them to leading this relationship on, and it building to where it got. The way it unfolds that story where in the beginning, you don't necessarily like Donny because you think he's leading her on; he should know better than this. You slowly understand why and where he's coming from.

I think it is something that we haven't really seen when addressing sexual assault since I May Destroy You by Michaela Coel. Some of my friends, we were saying this is kind of like the male version of I May Destroy You in that this is not someone who's always likable. This is someone who makes mistakes, and you understand that they're coming from a place of deep, deep trauma that hasn't been worked through. By the end of it, you just feel bad for almost everyone involved. But there isn't any sort of blame placed squarely on Martha, and that, I think, is what really has made it just stick with people. 

Elamin: I've seen plenty of TV shows, Ashley, that treat the experience of a comedian bombing onstage for laughs — never like this one. It's never felt suffocating to me. So as you were watching the show, what resonated for you in terms of the early part of your career, maybe?

Ashley: Oh, absolutely. It was my early career. I think what all comics hope for is that you do open mics, people don't necessarily like you but you build up the show, you get stronger with it — and then there's one person in the audience who can do something. That's what you hope, is if this one director sees me.

And to see for this character that come true, to have that wish that every comedian hopes, and to then have it turn into a nightmare for Donny? It just really, for me, did show a realistic part of this industry. That does happen as you sort of blow up and realize this is not an industry where everything is nice and safe. The way it showed that, while at the same time being genuinely hilarious … I mean, that is the comedian's experience.

You can listen to the full discussion from today's show on CBC Listen or on our podcast, Commotion with Elamin Abdelmahmoud, available wherever you get your podcasts.

Panel produced by Jane van Koeverden.